Damn it feels good to be a gangster

Today was totally badass.

In a haze of sleep-deprived paranoia, I found myself in the middle of Tokyo with that Counterstrikey sort of feeling that things were moving at the edges of my vision. Things with guns. That's probably because I played Counterstrike all night.

Having long become accustomed to the vague unravelling of reality during my marathon waking sessions, I basically was going about my business, being the best damn english teacher you can get for 2500 yen an hour. Despite the gargantuan effort it took, however, merely remaining awake was not enough. In preparing course materials, I soon found myself at an awesome little place called Moopa. I dunno what the a moopa is, but it was a pretty cool little internet cafe.

I sit myself down in my tiny sheet-metal cubicle and immediately begin slamming out an english lesson. Naturally, I turn on the tv right beside my computer. To help me focus. And porn was on tv! No, porn is not enough to describe this. This was the most Japanese porn you could possibly find, short of tentacle rape. Girls in school uniforms, semi-hideous men with tickling fetishes, and simulated rape scenes taking place in restaurants full of people. Oh god, it was beautiful. I ended up being late for my lesson.

So yeah, then I get to this lesson and I have all this stuff prepared and I just watched a ton of porn and, needless to say, the lesson kicks 12 types of ass. Then to top it all off, I get handed 4000 yen, as opposed to the 2500 I'm contracted for. My initial response to this knowledge is, of course, that I do not deserve the money, and I have in fact done something very wrong. I immediately try to secure the cash on my person, fearing the authorities. Coming to the slow realization that, for once, I've actually done nothing wrong, I finally manage to loosen up, get the bills back out of my ass, and consider the possibilities. This is 4000 yen. This is salvation, financial freedom, and a new life in my pocket! This is like thirty-five motherfucking dollars!


And then I got home and saw this thanks to kotaku:

Tetra Vaal (Third World Robocop)